Children seek our attention to feel IMPORTANT and feel the LOVE. They are learning their place in this world and building self-confidence right from the start. The most important challenge for a parent is to actually ‘Be Present’. It doesn’t even matter what you are doing with them. As long as you are giving them the full attention they are yearning.
Life these days is completely manic and overloaded on a daily basis for most parents. So understandably parents find it challenging to give their little ones that undivided attention.
We are all guilty of answering phones, looking at phones, computers etc. Our minds have way too many things going on! The message received to them is ‘I am not important’ ‘I am not loved’. I will act up because getting negative attention from mummy and daddy is better than no attention!
I find the most proactive and successful way to connect is to actually schedule ‘Time well spent’ with your child for each day. Even if it is for half an hour! Obviously, everyone’s lives are different but it’s up to the individual to find that time. When you look them in the eye and ask them questions about themselves. Their day… their feelings… What’s the most positive thing that happened to you today? I find that one to be encouraging and rather proactive!
This seems to follow with affection that most of us feel when we actually connect with them and practice the art to ‘Be present’.
It will be a challenge for some to actually put their phones away, switch their minds to kid land… and truly enjoy that very present moment. But when you do… this huge amount of joy and love will come over you and your child. I guarantee this! In fact, I find myself all the time doing this. When I focus on my 6-year-old and her little mind and her heart. I completely melt and LAUGH and she feels my loving gaze. I feel her shift as she mirrors her mummy.
Her behaviour improves and she is not acting up for my attention! In fact, she turns into this love bubble angel. Starts doing all that she knows she should be doing. i.e. tidying her room, getting herself ready, eating her meals. It’s kind of miraculous really! It’s these moments that your heart fills up with love and gratitude. Aren’t these the moments we all live for? Worth scheduling into our busy lives daily right? Worth not snapping at them? Just Be Present.
It’s these moments we remember what we are here for!
The positive impact you are having on your child for that half hour a day is enormous! They grow up feeling your love and as a result, they feel important. This impacts their self-worth into their adult years. You are helping to build healthy self-esteems and confidence. The little voices that develop in their brains come directly from their childhoods.
It’s a good idea to be MINDFUL that each innocent question asked, or interruption for – mummy/daddy look at me? Is a chance for your child to learn! Feel respected AND to actually have a voice! They are just such curious innocent little beings.
So ideally work out the most suitable time for you both to connect. It may be in the car, going for a walk, homework, meal time or even the toilet! These are the ‘time well spent’ beautiful opportunities you need to jump on! I remember seeking advice from a phycologist as my daughter grew through stages. Such fantastic advice! If you want to emotionally connect with your children more than punishing them, find the key times they seem to relax and connect with you.
Clearly, I got lucky where our time chosen seems to be in the toilet! My little girl simply loves to have a chat whilst doing that stinky poo! She opens up about all sorts of stuff that may be going on for her that week. This is when you know you’re a parent and they are worth it!
Be mindful of schedule in that ‘Time well spent’ together with your little people.
With love & Inspiration.